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When you’re in a new relationship, everything can seem pretty perfect. There’s likely major chemistry and you’re getting to know a person and discover all of their amazing qualities. Then you hit a bump in the road and realize your relationship isn’t as “perfect” as you thought it was. One big bump would be when the person you’re dating has qualms about defining what you have as a “relationship.” If you’re dating someone who isn’t into the idea of labeling what you’ve got and you’re not sure about it, here are some things to consider.


Why wouldn’t someone want to label our relationship?

There are a lot of possibilities. Given that this is a fairly new relationship, you might not know the person well enough to deduce some of them, unless you knew bae from before or you asked. Some things to consider are how long you’ve been dating and the type of relationships bae has had in the past, if any.

Perhaps bae still thinks the relationship is too new to put labels on it and wants to see how things go. Maybe bae is just against the idea of labels in general and prefers to just do his/her own thing and go with the feelings you have rather than worrying about terms, rings, and all of that stuff. Maybe this is one of bae’s first relationships so he/she considers it a really big step to put a label on things and isn’t quite ready. Similarly, it could be that bae got burned in a relationship before and doesn’t want that to happen again.

Does that mean I’m just a booty call?

Not necessarily. You need to consider how you and bae interact to deduce whether you’re a booty call or a side chick. Do you and bae go out on dates? Do you talk and text each other regularly? Or, does it seem like bae disappears for days and only calls you at night to hook up? If it’s more like the second option, you might just be a booty call.

Could it mean that bae doesn’t care enough about me?

That might not be the case. I told you about the possibilities in the first question. It could actually be that bae cares about you very, very much and those feelings freak him/her out a bit and he/she doesn’t know what to do. Think about bae’s actions when you’re together. Is he/she kind, attentive, loving? Actions will reveal a lot even if bae hasn’t come out and expressed his/her undying love.

What should I do? Labeling is important to me.

Instead of speculating about why bae doesn’t want to label your *relationship,* you should ask bae about it. You can probably go on enjoying yourself with bae, but there will come to a point where you will need to ask. Given that you’re already thinking about it here, it will likely be sooner rather than later.

Explain to bae why having a label on your relationship is important to you. Be honest. If you’re worried about bae dating other people because you don’t have a certain label on your relationship, say it. This is your time to make bae see your point of view and to try and understand the struggle you’re having.

What if bae things I’m being clingy?

If you explain your reasons why, bae should respect your opinions, if he/she cares for you. If he/she does think it’s too needy to label a relationship then it sounds like you’re after different things. Bae might be looking for more casual hookups while you’re after a committed relationship. One of you could change depending on the feelings, but it’s likely that it will lead to regret, especially in your case.

Does that mean we should break up if we cannot agree on labeling?

It’s a tough call. It depends on how different your views are and whether you can come up with a compromise about labeling that leaves you both satisfied. For example, would you be happy if bae says that you two are exclusive but he/she doesn’t use the boyfriend/girlfriend label?

Another point: The both of you might seem happy with the way your relationship is now but things could change as you get to know each other. Know that if you continue in a relationship, it’s perfectly fine to go back to your conversation about labeling, especially if there are big things being discussed in your relationship like having sex, going to prom, going to different colleges, etc.

Do you label all of your relationships? Let us know in the comments!