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KUWTK Recap | Kanye Needs a Band-Aid

Welcome to the safest, most contoured space on the Internet: A space where we can openly discuss, dissect, and indulge in the greatest show of our time, Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Immediately, this episode feels more fun than the others. I don’t know if it’s because Kylie’s big secret is out and the family can talk and act more freely, or if it’s because after last night’s SNL I’m just more in the mood to watch (and judge) Kanye and the gang. Who can say? But something definitely shifts (we even get to meet Jen “Kendall’s Built-In Babysitter” Atkin, who is the family’ hair stylist-turned-friend) and I’m ready to talk about it.

Kendall, Relax

Kendall needs to relax. In her journey to become a sought-after and serious model, Kendall is overworking herself and her network of friends and family are starting to get a little concerned. Kendall likes being successful, but she also struggles with anxiety, and finds her crazy schedule can negatively affect her mental stability. “You need to have a better work-life balance,” Jen tells Kendall, who agrees. What she really needs, though, is to have fun and let loose. It helps, the model says, to have people like Jen, and Mary Phillips, her make-up artist and friend, along on these back-to-back trips with her, but she still finds it hard to enjoy herself even in a city like Paris.

But, after some deliberation, Kendall and Co. decide to go to a burlesque show in Paris, and then horseback riding around a castle, to unwind between events with Adidas. Even though they’re supposed to be relaxing on her day off, Kendall and Jen can’t help but to throw a mini-photoshoot in the dressing room using the dancers’ incredible wig selection.

Before riding horses (it’s actually so picturesque), Jen and Kendall have a frank conversation about Kendall’s love life, something the model is extremely private about. She rarely confirms boyfriends, but has previously made it a point to say that she is not gay. Jen points out that Kendall has no type, and suggests she “hoe it up” while she’s young and single and famous.

“Who knows, I’m not planning on anything,” Kendall eventually says, regarding her future and marriage.

Putting The “Ye” In Needy

Kim loves being a mom to North, Saint, and Chicago, but with her kids and her companies, she, like Kendall, feels overwhelmed in her own way. She’s so busy that she doesn’t have time to be the kind of partner that Kanye needs in his life. He wants Kim’s attention, and he isn’t getting it.

If you have ever wondered what Kim and Kanye fight about, and jokingly said, “What to post on Instagram — hahaha JK.” You are absolutely correct. “Our fights are really stupid, and lately we have been having them a lot,” Kim says to Khloé about their big Instagram argument. Apparently, Kim had the audacity to upload 1 photo of herself on the beach, instead of a string of 6 photographs of her in the motel like Kanye had envisioned on her feed. Even though Kim maintains that “no one” tells her what to post on her Insta, she eventually takes his advice because he is “always right.” “I think a lot of husbands feel neglected because of kids,” Khloé says. And while that’s probably true, I don’t think as many husbands feel neglected by what their wives post on Instagram.

Later, a second, even more hilarious, fight story comes up. Kim tells Khloé that she and Ye got in a fight over a Band-Aid. Kanye sent his wife on a wild goose chase to get him a Band-Aid only for him to reject the first (too boring), and then the second (“I’ve slaved around the world making clothes for you, and you want to give me a Jesus Band-Aid”), and then the third (it didn’t match his skin tone).

She is exhausted, she says, and just wants him to get his own band-aid. Both fights are revealing for different reasons (the first for his obsession with her image, and the second for his petulant need for attention) but the end of the day, Kanye has some things he needs to work on in therapy. Hey! He should go to Kourtney’s therapist.

Interestingly enough, though, Khloé takes Kanye’s side. She wants everyone to be happy, and tells Kim she should just have gotten him the Band-Aid because boyfriends and husbands are the original babies in the relationship. This is revealing into how Khloé treats the men in her life (like Lamar Odom and Tristan Thompson) compared to Kim. But Kim shouldn’t stop what she’s doing to be at Kanye — or any grown man’s — beck and call. I think the new news here isn’t that Kanye is needy (because, are you even a little shocked?) but that Khloé feels the need to treat her men like babies. I worry she is way too forgiving of childish or inappropriate behavior, in more ways that one.

To sort of settle the score (the score between Kanye and his kids), Kim decides she needs to do something special for him for Valentine’s Day. She brainstorms a few ideas, one being a coupon book for “massages” and “hugs,” but in the end, she settles on a gift, full of literal Band-Aids (in the right color this time), and lingerie.

Baby Fever In Calabasas

Scott and Kourtney want to have more kids together. Or rather, Kim wants Scott and Kourtney to have more kids together. Kim overhears that Scott wants more kids with her sister, so she immediately put a plan into place. She wants them to consider IVF, so they don’t even have to have sex since at the time of this taping the two are still with their respective partners, and she wants the whole family in on the plan. There’s only one problem: she accidentally CCs Kourtney on an email sharing her scheme about Kourtney, which Kourtney wants no part of. Khloé calls Kim to inform her of this major slip-up, and Kim has the appropriate reaction: Fuck. This is not going to be good for the (slight) progression the sisters have been making this season.

“It’s so fucked up,” Kourtney says in a confessional. “I feel like it never ends with my sisters and I fighting.” She says that Kim trying to cover up (she sent a follow-up email acting like she meant to loop Kourtney into the email about her) made things even worse. Kourtney vents about it to Khloé and it’s finally clear what the real feud is. It isn’t all three sisters like we saw in the first few episodes of the season, nor is it with mama Kris like Kourtney thought in last week’s episode — it all comes down to the frought relationship between Kourtney and Kim.

Kris and Khloé encourage Kourtney to talk to Kim in person (and not cuss her out like last time) so that they can get to the bottom of this drama. But Kourtney feels like Kim has evolved into a bad person with no morals. Later, Kim has a mini-confrontation in Kourtney’s kitchen where she reveals to Scott that she told Kourtney about his (clearly secret) desire to have a fourth child. Scott’s avoiding the subject, and Kourtney just calls Kim a “town gossip.”

Kourtney tells Kim that she has set up new boundaries for herself, and wants to be in control of her narrative, instead of allowing the show and her little sister to do that for her. The two try to talk it out in a confessional, and then go on a ski trip with the kids to end the feud once and for all. (*Whispers* But things still seem bad.)

And after all that, apparently Scott didn’t even say that at all! Kim was the one who dreamed up the idea that Scott and Kourtney have another kid, and he agreed, via email, just to shut her up. He had no idea she’d take it and run with it. Don’t you love family?

Our weekly round-up of the craziest one-liners from the episode (these are all out of context because it makes them funnier):

“Fuck your fragrance for one day. You need 6 motels ones.” — Kanye

“Kanye and I got in a fight because I wouldn’t go get him a Band-Aid.” — Kim

“I thought it was a cute thing. I was just gossiping about the family…” — Kim

“I cussed her out like you’ve never seen.” — Kourtney

“You bought me a masseuse table for Christmas when I didn’t even ask for it.” — Khloé

“You need to shake your butt like I told you to.” — Penelope

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