Welcome to the safest, most contoured space on the Internet: A space where we can openly discuss, dissect, and indulge in the greatest show of our time, Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
It’s episode 5 of season 15 of KUWTK and we’re in officially in 2018, with the Christmas drama behind us. Now Kourtney Kardashian is channeling all her energy on Scott Disick in a way that he himself does not appreciate, while the Kardashian-Jenners are channeling all their energy at each other both on Celebrity Family Feud and behind-the-scenes. Things are about to get really meta.
It’s the Kardashians in one corner, and Amber Rose and Blac Chyna in the other. Just kidding — but Kris Jenner’s pitch for the Family Feud crew is pretty hilarious. She jokes that the opposing team when their family appears on Steve Harvey’s show should be either the exes (Rose, Chyna) or the Hiltons. In the end, neither come true, and the family is just split down the middle making it the Wests versus the Kardashian-Jenners, with Kanye’s cousins coming up to bat. It’s a dramatic split because for most of the episode, it sounds like Kim’s team (she’s team captain because she’s Kim, and because she is legitimately obsessed with the show) will consist of Khloé, cousin Cici, and M.J., with Kris as back-up. But after the Hiltons drop out 24 hours before the show’s taping (I really feel like they were never going to do it), Kim jumps ship to be with Kanye and his family. With Kim out on team West, Kris has to step up and start filling in the Kardashian’s team. She panics and invites Jonathan Cheban, who says he will fly through the night with 40 burgers in his stomach to be there (of freakin’ course he will…) even though he is part of neither family. (Kylie, Kourtney, and Scott all refused to appear on the show — Kendall reluctantly agrees to be team Kardashian after her sisters beg.)
Once they’re actually on set, the drama escalates in a full 10-minute montage so let me summarize it: Jonathan shows up, but then so does M.J., making the Kardashian team one person too many. Kim, the Queen of Non-confrontation, doesn’t have the guts to tell Jonathan that he’s off the Kardashian team even though she’s the closest with him. Instead, she tries to bring him onto the West team, but Kanye says, “LOL, no offense, but hell no.” So then Mr. Steve Harvey himself gets involved, and reworks the dynamic of the whole show. He allows the Kardashian team to have 6 players so that M.J. and Jonathan can each get a slice of the Feud pie and participate in the game show. It’s the first time in the show’s history that more than 5 people are allowed to be on a team. Phew. And that’s all before they even go on stage.
In the end it’s Kris, Khloé, M.J., Kendall, cousin Cici Bussy, and Jonathan versus Kim, Kanye, and his three cousins, Kim Wallace, Jalil, and Ricky. In the end, it’s a L for team West, and a W for team Kardashian, surprising both teams.
While the Kardashian-Jenner family prepares to go on Celebrity Family Feud(Kim and Kanye West’s favorite show), Kourtney and Scott have their own private feud. Their argument starts because Scott introduced Mason, their son, to his girlfriend, Sofia Richie. Scott and Kourtney are currently in therapy together, trying to navigate their complicated co-parenting situation, and this was not what they agreed upon. Or, at least, that”s what Kourtney says. It comes out through various phone calls and conversations that Kourtney and Scott had agreed to let their boyfriends/girlfriends meet the kids in the new year. Scott follows the therapy-laid rules and waits until the new year to let Sofia into his kid’s lives, but Kourtney is still resistant, and upset, at the thought of his girlfriend meeting her kids. In the end, Kourtney realizes she needs to ease up a little bit, and Scott realizes, mostly after speaking with Kris, that as the main caregiver for their kids, Kourtney has the right to be overprotective. Their eventual reconciliation is pretty good proof that Kourtney’s therapy sessions may be causing drama, but they’re also yielding constructive results.
Flick Of The Wrist
Throughout the show, Kim calls upon the very kind, and very patient, cameraperson named Pax, or “Paxy,” to literally hold her phone up for her to give the illusion of a perfect selfie because of Kim’s growing affliction: a sore wrist. The ailment is bad enough that it is affecting her selfie game, which is just, beyond tragic, so she visits a doctor to see what is going on with her million dollar wrist. Kim is apparently showing the early stages of carpal tunnel syndrome, or, as her doctor calls it, “Selfie Wrist.” Apparently it’s pretty common — common enough for him to joke that he wants to rename it “Kim Kardashian Wrist.”
Kim starts doing exercises for wrist as her family starts to mock her for the unbelievable injury. Laugh all you want, she says, but you want my wrist to heal. Her selfie obsession, after all, is a big reason why they all got so famous.
Our weekly round-up of the craziest one-liners from the episode (these are all out of context because it makes them funnier):
“This is your one life to walk this planet and you really want to spend your Saturday at Family Feud?” — Kourtney
“Do you want that gray hair, or do you want me to get rid of it for you.” — Kendall
“Drop of a dime.” — Kim
“Jonathan is not part of our fucking family — it’s weird.” — Khloé
“Kanye’s cousins sunk it for us.” — Kim
“It’s legit how I make my money.” — Kim
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