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One of the great things about being in a relationship is discovering more about a person and getting to know them on ~*every*~ different level. That might include intimacy. Hooking up with someone for the first time can be thrilling, but sometimes it can be a major letdown.

Sometimes, you can be very, very attracted to someone, but things fizzle out when you actually hook up. It might have to do with some weird law of attraction, it could be because you’re nervous, or it could be because one of you is bad at sex. And it could be bae. If you’re in a situation where you’re struggling with the awkward hookups you’re having with bae, and you’re not sure what to do, read on to find out how to deal if bae is bad at sex.

Help! Bae seems to be struggling in the bedroom. How do I deal without making things super awkward?

First of all, I’m sorry to hear that your hookups are not as hot as you hoped they would be. I know that it’s disappointing and figuring out what to do is awkward. But, you can do something about. The first order of business is figuring out what you mean by bae “being bad at sex.” Think about the specifics. Is bae too fast, too slow, too rough, doesn’t communicate enough, doesn’t seem to know where to put it? Try to pinpoint to exactly what the problem areas are because that can help you resolve things.

I don’t know, but it might be from lack of experience.

If bae isn’t as experienced as you, it can be helpful to take the lead. Think back to when you were a virgin or weren’t as experienced. Maybe, you had a partner who was more experienced and took charge. You probably learned along the way during your hookups. Bae will likely do that, too, but it might take some time for him/her to figure out what’s good and what isn’t. That’s why you can help things go quicker by providing feedback on what you like and by giving positive reinforcements.

Another thing to consider is that bae might be more experienced in some areas than others. Maybe bae had previous partners who were into a certain kind of thing. If it worked on someone else, it’s natural that your SO would think that the same thing would work on you. That’s why you might have to speak up.

I don’t want to say anything negative because I don’t want to offend bae.

I totally get it. You’re talking about someone’s skill in an intimate act. If you say anything even slightly constructive, they might take offense. Think about how you would feel if someone was saying something about your bedroom skils. The important things to remember are that the best relationships are built on honesty and that you should be able to express yourself with bae. What’s more, you should never keep quiet if you’re in pain, uncomfortable, or don’t agree with something.

Do you have any tips for talking to bae?

The easiest thing to do is focus on the positives and compliment the good things bae does. For example, when you’re in the act, you could say you want more of something. You could also try giving a few simple commands like harder, faster, slower, combined with a few moans or sighs of pleasure.

If something is bothering you, don’t try to ignore it and force yourself to get through it. Tell your SO that it’s hurting you and you need to stop. He/she should understand, stop doing it, and not make a big deal out of it.

I’ve tried giving encouragement but bae still seems pretty clueless.

If you want to give constructive feedback, try to do it before you both have your pants off and you’re in a sexy situation. Do it when you two can talk openly in a private space and not get interrupted. Begin the conversation by emphasizing it’s about the two of you and you thought you would share your ideas, fantasies, and tips so your hookups will be even hotter. Make sure you tell bae to share his opinions.

Any other tips?

Practice makes perfect. It’s one thing to talk about what you like, but it’s another thing to actually do it. If you don’t think bae is getting a concept, show him/her how it’s done. It will be a super-hot experience for both of you and it should make the technique very clear. Then get practicing together.

How do you give feedback in the bedroom? Let us know in the comments!

You can follow the author, Heather Cichowski, on Twitter.

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